Many of us have busy lives - work, gym, social life, etc. - that can make finding the time to keep a happy, healthy sex life a challenge…but add parenting to the mix and too often we find ourselves struggling to find any time for intimacy at all.
Parenthood brings much joy and many happy moments, but a fantastic sex life is seldom one of them. We bond over the shared experience of raising our children, but often find ourselves pulled apart by the new roles we play, rather than pulled together by all the fun role play!
We remember how fun our sex lives were, but we forget to make the important time and effort to keep the passion alive as our families and relationships evolve.
#1. Scheduling
It is all too easy to get stuck in the rut of making time only for the tasks at hand for managing our home, our work, our children, i.e., our ever-increasingly busy lives.
In the office, we hear terms like “mental health day” and “floating holiday” bantered about, but why should we limit scheduling me-time to the office? Instead think of the ways in which you, your partner, and you both as a couple can make time for yourselves individually and together. Time to clear your head, and time to re-connect and enjoy being intimate. When we are constantly stressed and running ragged, who feels sexy, let alone energized to go the distance?
Look at your weekly and monthly schedule and set aside some date-time…and then stick to it. Look to family and friends for support too, find those opportunities for play dates and away time with grandma and aunty, and use that down time for intimacy, not the grocery store!
#2. Hands Off!
Mommy is feeling a bit “touched out”? Not uncommon!
Spending your day with a newborn or toddler clinging onto you may seem cute to passers-by, but the reality is sometimes simply overwhelming. We love our children, and we love when we want to hold them, feed them, cuddle them, rescue and nurture them. However, we must acknowledge that it can be tiresome and mentally exhausting when they are in a place of constantly wanting and demanding our bodies. There is after all at a point little or no humor in being slapped, earrings tugged on, hair pulled (and knotted), shoulder nearly dislocated from lugging bags and booboo from point A to B. Not to mention being covered in nearly every type of bodily fluid and a petri dish of glop from dirty kiddo digits!
Alas, we have to find ways to laugh it off, to say I need to be touched MY way!
And then do just that. Whether that is the catharsis of a shower or barefoot in the grass, or the wind in your hair at the playground, use those brief me-sensory moments as mini resets, in preparation for accepting a more intimate touch from your mate in the bedroom. Whether that touch comes in the form of a gentle, loving kiss on the temple, a sponge-washing your back in the bath, or maybe a compassionate, acknowledging massage, allow yourself to feel that intimacy and give in to your mutual need for sex and climax. Never underestimate the healing effect of a great orgasm!
#3. Quantity vs Quality
So you're feeling sexy because you just got horny eyes from across the room. Pouring the morning cheerios and your partner cops a feel - or you do! It’s a fun thought, at least. Can the kids be fine for a few minutes? Safe on the floor spilling milk and tossing cheerios while mommy gets a little oral servitude in the bathroom? We sometimes dream of stealing away moments for hot, maybe even taboo, sex in the craziest moments! After, flushed and laughing and energized, we just gotta take five to sweep up the cheerios. Worth it? Yes!
You need those quick releases that allow you to be fun and spontaneous, a sex goddess that takes what she wants from her partner when she needs it and gives as good as she gets! Equally important, plan and make time for a deeper, more passionate, and intimate touch and sex with your partner. The kids will be all right, and, in fact, perhaps even better for it.
#4. Playtime for mommy
You and your partner undoubtedly go shopping for kid’s toys. When did you last shop for your toys… or use the ones you have? Pull out a toy just for yourself or to play together. And a surprise sexy gift can be good for a knowing look, a laugh, and as an invitation to play and be played with. One fun option, Namii, Biird’s new 2-in-1 clitoral stimulator made from ultra-soft silicone. Namii’s perfect combination of suction and vibration functions that can be used independently or at the same time might just be the playtime pick-me-up mommy needed!
#5. Get plenty of sleep!
Humans need sleep, and yes, that also includes parents. If you’ve just had a child, it might seem like you’re running on fumes, incapable of getting any sleep at all. But studies have shown that even one additional hour of sleep can boost your productivity, well-being, and sexual activity for the next day! Yup, grab those power naps whenever you get them. You’ll feel more awake, more alive, and more sexy!
The bottom line
How you raise your children and eventually discuss sex and sexuality is a very personal decision and one that takes time and consideration. That said, it’s better for ourselves — as a couple and as parents — and for our children, to be a happy, affectionate, and sexually-fulfilled couple. Likely, younger children probably won’t fully, if at all, understand what the big deal is and your “we were just playing” story will not be a lie!
As for older children, as they begin to understand sex and sexuality, does knowing that their parents love and express that love help them to be more open about their curiosities and understanding of love and intimacy? Maybe just keep it down, buy a white-noise machine, or turn up the stereo a bit… and be prepared for the same response as when they see you kissing, “ooo, gross!”
